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Interrogation, Monologue or Conversation?
By Jana M. Kemp
The sound of our own name is the sound that rings most pleasantly in our ears. Unless the speaker's tone of voice is harsh, uncaring or punishing, which tends to cause us to turn and leave.
People can leave conversations physically or mentally. Leaving a conversation physically may mean hanging up the phone, leaving a table, walking away from a group of people talking or even refusing to show up for a meeting in the first place.
To mentally leave a conversation, simply focus thought on anything other than the conversation itself. Some people mentally leave a conversation by thinking about hobbies, skiing, hunting, boating, fishing, children, vacations and the list goes on.
Reasons people physically leave a conversation and mentally tune-out of conversations can overlap. Common reasons for leaving or tuning out a conversation: I can never get a word in edgewise because my boss does all the talking, my opinion and expertise are never asked for, I'm never thanked for what I contribute, and the conversation has nothing to do with me or my area.
It's easy to recognize when people physically leave a conversation. The mental departure from a conversation is more difficult. For instance, do employees and/or clients sometimes glaze over or appear to be somewhere else when you are speaking? If so, you have been given the signal that at least for a moment the person has mentally left the conversation.
Ask yourself whether you are having conversations with people or whether you are creating interrogations and monologues. Conversations keep people interested and involved. Interrogations and monologues cause people to shut down, glaze over, tune out and even to leave.
What's the difference?
An interrogation is the asking of question after question, rarely or never sharing any information about yourself. Approaching people with question after question causes them to feel uncomfortable, even attacked and distrusting of the speaker.
A monologue is the telling of stories, sharing of information, repeating of news, bragging about oneself. A monologue fails to invite anyone else to speak up or to participate. Failing to leave air-time for anyone else to speak up most often causes people to tune-out. Repeated monologues can also cause people to stop trusting the speaker.
A conversation on the other hand includes a fairly equal give and take of questions, sharing of stories and information and a fairly equal amount of time for speaking and listening. Conversation is an art, a recognition of when to include someone in the interaction and when to quiet someone so that another person can join the conversation.
Watch for constant questions or constant talking. Both are signs that a conversation is dying and relationships are breaking. Interject with the speaker's name to ask a question. Or by name, make an invitation to someone else to speak. We all want to be heard and recognized rather than being interrogated or droned over.
Meeting leaders, sales people, managers, team leaders, customer service providers, wait-staff, flight attendants, doctors, lawyers, ministers, parents, and people in every profession can be conversation leaders rather than conversation killers. What have you done today?
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Jana M. Kemp is an internationally recognized speaker, author and workshop provider on the subjects of improving day-to-day business activities. Jana hosts Momentum(tm) every Saturday at 9:00 a.m. on KBOI 670am. Reach Jana via her website www.janakemp.com
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