Articles

NO! is a complete sentence

Jana M. Kemp

Time management and self-defense experts share a key word. The word is “no.” Effective time managers recognize the power of saying no to the requests that don’t allow their personal or team goals to be accomplished and they typically get more done than the rest of us. Capable practitioners of self-defense tactics know that saying no internally and externally is a key to keeping physically safe.

How well are you saying no? The majority of people who work, volunteer, or have social lives aren’t saying “no” as well or as often as they’d like. We don’t want to offend anyone, be seen as rude, to be labeled as “not being a team player” or to be seen as unable to get everything done. So, we end up saying “yes” when we really want to say “no.” And our constant “yes” replies lead to overbooking and getting less done than we’ve promised.

The reason that saying no is important is that the act of saying no is an act of self-protection and boundary setting. Saying no is a form of recognizing what matters in our lives and what needs to not be pursued at all or to be pursued at a later time. Saying no around others becomes a model for setting boundaries and for realistically assessing what can and should be done at any given moment on any given day.

Saying no at work can protect you from harassment, from embarrassment, from lawsuits, and from dangerous situations. Saying no at work can feel more challenging now when the economy makes it so difficult to find other jobs. However, every time you fail to say no when in your head and heart you knew that “no” was the best response, you give away a piece of yourself and your well-being. Can you live with that?

Saying no in your social, volunteer, and family lives can make the difference between finding balance and joy, and living with low energy and little sleep. Children need us to say no to help them learn what is safe and important. Toddlers and teenagers alike test their boundaries by saying no. And we all need to say no to establish boundaries that protect us mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually.

“No.” It is a complete sentence. You can add words to make the sentence feel more comfortable – “No thank you.” You can add words to make the meaning non-negotiable “No, not now and not ever.” However you say no, the key is to mean it when you say it and to follow through on your word.

ACTION ITEMS: Acknowledge your desire to say no, and say no politely and firmly. Create or confirm your organization’s policies on saying no to harassment, to inappropriate language and dress, and on saying no to customers.
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Reprint Permission: The author is willing to grant reprint permissions. Please contact Jana Kemp: jana@janakemp.com or call 208-367-1701.