Articles

Getting to Understanding

Jana M. Kemp

Have you ever been misunderstood? More than likely, you answered “yes.” Communication skills are the glue that holds life together. Developing approaches that help you to be understood can make your life less stressed and more enjoyable.

Here’s a short-list refresher for refining your communication skills.
1. Word Choice. The words selected can create understanding or cause confusion. Choose the most easily understood words by thinking about your audience. Obviously you choose different words when disciplining your children or playing with them; when disciplining employees or recognizing team accomplishments; and when working with customers or negotiating with vendors.
2. Pace. People can listen faster than others speak. Even so, when you speak too quickly others have a hard time following your message. An example is the pace at which people leave a telephone number in your voicemail. Too fast, and you have to listen over and over to capture the number. Too slow of a pace and people tune your message out. Pacing has to do with your speed of speaking.
3. Timing. Timing has to do with when you choose to approach someone. Talking to an angry person sometimes creates more anger, so waiting even 10 minutes before approaching an angry person can help everyone move to problem-solving more quickly. You’ve likely heard the phrase “choose your battle,” now you can add “choose your timing” so that you can get to understanding more quickly.
4. Content. Do you rely on facts or opinions when you communicate messages? Consider what your message is and then gather information, facts, opinions, and even stories to help present the message that you want to have others understand and even take action on.
5. Question asking. In writing, a series of questions can be asked because people have time to respond to each question on their own. However, when speaking, ask one question at a time so that people can process a response without feeling defensive or overwhelmed.
6. One-on-one communication is usually easier to manage than group communication. In every communication situation, listen and watch for the relationships of the listeners and the speakers so that you can encourage and support understanding of your message and of all the messages being or attempting to be communicated.

Action Plan: Create your question before you begin asking it. Know your point before your speak. Practice the words you’ll use, even if it’s in your mind, and then deliver your message at a time and place that people are most likely to understand you.
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Reprint Permission: The author is willing to grant reprint permissions. Please contact Jana Kemp: jana@janakemp.com or call 208-367-1701.